I want to tear everything down and just start over.
Particularly with my art. With this gallery.

I feel as if the communication gap between me and the rest of the world is more of a crevasse, the two parts being pulled further and further a part. It's so deceptive, I keep on thinking that I'm communicating, or understanding and out from under me the bottomless pit strikes again!
I long to portray what I see in a way that others can understand. To be an artist that I would admire. To make art that leaves me breathless and anguished just by looking at it. To be so much more than simply clever.

I cannot believe how long I have stood up for my fellow visual artists with out knowing that the criticisms they faced were fully justified. The lack of morality in creating visual concepts horrifies me. The lack of inspiration, the lack of simple interest in anything beyond color and shape. The self-centeredness and the cult of the gimmick.

I came to visual art wanting to tell stories. Always stories first. I want to create a tomorrow, a world that I want to be a part of. Everything is designed and I want to design it, to find my perfection, my niche and my people. I always had this concept that people thought in some sort of similar way. How was I supposed to know that the idea of animation being paintings brought to life was so alien? That the view of illustration as visual story telling so unique? How could I know having stories... that being a story teller, was strange?

I know I am not yet at the point where I can justifiably make these complaints. Not successful enough, not with enough work or even THE work to back me. But I plan to someday be, hope to someday be, in a position where I can say these things and it can be viewed as something more than just teenage anx.